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Oh Brother!

Needless to say this week's Supernatural installment broke me. In a very bad way.

I've watched enough preview clips beforehand to know this is not a feel good episode. Still, when the credits started rolling, all I wanted to do was screaming at the TV set, or hurl something at it. But, 'm not a violent person, and I was at friend's house.

So where do I begin? My mind is still a bit jumbled with the onslaught of emotions. ::sigh::

Sammy! Let's start with Sammy...  He was so *difficult* to watch in this one.  Jared Padalecki did a fantastic job portraying his alter-ego last night, the best he's ever done IMHO.  But, let's get back to the characters...

Sam's time in Bobby's panic room was painful, to say the least.  All those hallucinations. ::shiver::  I think each of them represented a part of Sam's inner-self.  Alistair was the manifestation of the physical pain Sam was going through.  The child!Sam was his innocence, the lost innocence in particular, especially when the kid's eyes burned yellow.  Mary represented Sam's resolve.  There was a large part of him honestly believed he was doing the right thing.  It's interesting his subconscious picked his mother to re-affirm his actions.  For one thing, like most mothers to their children, Mary embodied goodness to Sam, influenced by the way John and Dean adored her, she's quite possibly "on the pedestal" for him as well.  But then, despite having a large impact on Sam's life, Mary is also the one person who's virtually a stranger to him.  So having her whispering encouragement in his ear, I can see Sam's resolution at continuing his current path was stemmed from good intentions, but nonetheless a wishful thinking, thus could not be validated.  Then, there's a part of Sam did know he was turning into a monster.  Hence the hallucination of the physical change that brought on the fit.  Finally, but most importantly, there was head!Dean, who I think represented Sam's conscience.  I believe the only time Dean was actually inside the panic room was when he tried to stop Sam's fit with Bobby.  From the different clothes Dean was wearing, and the sound of his voice, it was quite obvious the "Dean" appeared to Sam following his fit was a figment of Sam's imagination.  But hallucination or not, I cringed when "Dean" told Sam "he" only pretended they were brothers, that Sam meant nothing to "him".  Sam's devastated reaction aptly showed that Dean's rejection of him was Sam's greatest fear!

Since I'm on the topic of Dean, I just want to say Jensen Ackles never cease to amaze me with his performance.  Even in the background, Dean's frustration, pain, and determination were acutely palpable.  From the way Dean dragged his feet climbing the stairs leading away from where Sam was held, to his trance-like state while holding down a thrashing Sam (I felt Dean was lost in the sea of pain with his brother at that moment), I can only wish Sam could see or understand how much it hurt Dean to do this (forcing cold-turkey) to him.  But Sam wasn't aware, at least not now.  Even worse, Sam resented Dean's action.  Sadly, the way I see it, it was Sam's indignation at Dean's treatment of him that drove the wedge between the brothers.

I was quite awed at the different ways Dean sounded in this episode.  First, it was the emotional tone Dean used talking with Bobby, the slight catch in his voice when he told Bobby he'd rather see Sam die human; and he won't let his brother turn into a monster.  This contrasted sharply with the growly voice of head!Dean berating Sam, calling Sam the very thing the real Dean vowed to keep him from becoming!  Then there was the hoarse sounding Dean begging Castiel for help, making it utterly believable Dean had been calling the angel's name for two hours, highlighting how desperate Dean was.  Finally, there was Dean's confrontation with Sam, the quiet voice in which Dean choked out the word "monster", and the cracking voice Dean used telling Sam not to come back if he walked out that door had my heart racing, and my breath hitched.

I'd be lying if I say I wasn't pissed at Sam for walking out on Dean.  That was almost a déjà vu.  Didn't John once issued the exact same ultimatum?  And Sam made the exact same choice.  It was as if Sam's life has come to a full circle.

But pissed wasn't the only thing I felt about Sam last night.  I was literally feeling bad for him one second, and mad at him the next.  My heart went out to Sam at seeing the tears welled up in his eyes when he knew that dreaded word (of what he has become) was hovering behind his brother's tongue.  The way he forced Dean to say the word out loud almost had me in tears too.  When Dean finally did, followed by a lone fat tear rolling down his face (how did Jensen do that?!), I could feel something broke inside Sam as well.  Just when I wanted to reach into the screen and give both brothers a hug, Wham!  Sam knocked Dean on the ground with his fist.  I flinched and was utterly livid at Sam.  How could he do this to his brother?!  Especially when Dean was so obviously heartbroken.

I almost jumped out of my skin when Dean got back up and punched Sam right back!  True, Dean could give just as well as he takes, and it wasn't the first time he socked Sam, but I've never seen him done so with the tear he shed for his brother still wet on his face.  I don't know why that makes me exceedingly sad...

I was in total denial when Sam's large hands wrapped around Dean's neck, squeezing the living daylights out of him.  Why is everyone so intent on choking Dean's pretty neck these days, hmm?!  Seriously, I thought that was a bit extreme.  I simply could not wrap my mind around the fact Sam would do that.  Yes, I can see Sam was mad at Dean, but mad enough to kill him?!  Really?!  Wasn't it not long ago Sam had expressed (to Ruby of all people) that he wished he could fix things with Dean once he accomplishes his goal?  By the way, that was my single glimmer of hope from this episode that things would turn out all right between the brothers.  The fact Sam wants to right the wrongs he caused with Dean gave me loads of relief.  Then why minutes later, Sam went for Dean's jugular instead?!  The only logical explanation I can think of is Sam was not himself at that moment.  Actually, the more I think about it, that might not be too far off.  Based on Anna's reaction to Sam's face from last week's episode, to the fact Castiel has to break the Devil's Trap in order to release Sam this time, it looks like Sam may well on his way of becoming a demon already. :(

Which brings my thoughts back to Deeeean!  I won't deny I'm a Dean!girl.  Even though I adore Sam, I confess it is Dean who owns me.  Seeing Dean lying so brokenly and lonely amidst the debris from the terrible fight completely threw off my equilibrium. I'm so very afraid for him.  What's gonna happen?  Could he save Sam?  Was he being led astray by the angels?  Looking at what Castiel did last night, I have no doubt Dean was nothing but a pawn in the game battle these angels played fought.  Ha!  Castiel and Co. are just about as trust worthy as "shady politicians from planet Vulcan" (Dean's words, not mine!)  By the way, I kinda squeed at Dean's Star Trek reference here.  I'm worried Dean was unwittingly goaded into committing servitude (to God? to angels? Are these the same thing?) he wasn't prepared to give.  When Dean made the declaration to Bobby that he had found his line (of which he won't cross), I couldn't help comparing him with Jimmy Novak from last week's Rapture, an episode I don't particularly like and can only see the purpose for telling the story of Castiel's human vessel is to juxtaposition Jimmy's choice against Dean's.  Unlike Jimmy who ultimately gave up his love for his family to serve God and His angels, Dean would never forfeit his love for Sammy!  Apocalypse and Lilith be damned, Dean's first priority has always been and will always be to keep Sam safe.

However, that doesn't bode well for Dean I think.  I'm afraid his objective is very much different from what the angels are asking of him, if what Castiel did last night was any indication.  It was a surprise for me to see the angel sprung Sam from the panic room.  I'm baffled at why he did that.  Either Castiel was following orders from bad angels, or the so called "destiny" dictates Sam must kill Lilith even if the deed may cost Sam his humanity.  It's not like the angels give a crap about what happens to Sam Winchester.  Like his brother, Sam is nothing but a pawn in this battle as well.

What frustrates me about these angels and demons is their objectives aren't clear.  I know the Apocalypse is the ultimate goal, but the way to bring it on or prevent it was never quite in the open.  I doubt Ruby was even telling Sam the truth when she hinted Lilith is the only being who can break the last seal (to free Lucifer).  Let's not forget Demon lies, and Ruby should not be an exception.  My pet theory is sacrificing Lilith is more likely to be the last seal instead.  Wouldn't it be a kicker that Sam is going to be tricked (by Ruby) to break the last seal?!  A side note here: I'm very sorry Dean didn't get to kill the b*tch.  For a second there, I thought he would succeed, but alas, no such luck!  Is it wrong of me to wish for Ruby a lot more than Lilith to "bite the dust"?

Now let's look at what the angels are trying to accomplish here.  Quite honestly, I'm not even sure they are all working towards the same end.  Obviously Anna was in conflict with what Castiel and Zacharia were doing.  Were Castiel and Zacharia even working on preventing the looming Apocalypse?!  All they said to Dean was he had to prevent It.  But what is "it"?  Did they ever actually spell that out to Dean?  I need to go back several episodes and watch them to be sure, but I'm almost certain they never explicitly indicated it was the Apocalypse they wanted Dean to prevent.  It was all a big assumption on Dean's (and the audiences') part the way I see it.

Regardless, the fate of the brothers is quite gloom at this point.  I'm very much afraid Sam and Dean are going to be ripped apart before the season ends.  How am I going to survive months of waiting before I can watch them making their way back to each other?!  ::flail::  Kripke, you are an evil genius!

Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
lovetheguys
May. 9th, 2009 10:43 pm (UTC)
Excellent review! I have no idea what the endgame of the angels or demons is, but I want the boys to be alive and back together! I suspect that's what season 5 will be for.

Love, Robin
xwacky
May. 9th, 2009 11:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ♥ I'm very skeptical to either the angels or the demons. After all, they are both supernatural beings. I wish the boys would stop mind them, and stand firm with each other. But at this point, I agree getting back together is what season 5 is for.
fangedsekhmet
May. 9th, 2009 11:32 pm (UTC)
Good stuff, nicely reasoned after all the drama;)

One thing, though, I thought perhaps Castiel broke the trap so it looked like a demon got Sam out, rather than they were trapping Sam in the room, but you never know.
xwacky
May. 10th, 2009 01:17 am (UTC)
Thanks for commenting. ♥

As to the reason why Castiel broke the trap, I too thought he did it to make it look like demon sprang Sam at first. It wasn't until I was typing up my thoughts, it occurred to me it might be because he had to. After all, at this point, Dean had already made the deal with the angels, who he thought released Sam wasn't really important any more.

I think Sam has traversed too far off already. I'm hoping he can get back to the way he was if the detox is allowed to complete. I just want the brothers to be back together. :'(
(Anonymous)
May. 9th, 2009 11:59 pm (UTC)
I'm a total Dean-girl, too. The way Jensen just becomes Dean--you can see it physically in the way he carries himself, the facial expressions, the single tear.

As for Sam choking Dean (just like Allistair did just a few episodes earlier)--yeah, he's not himself. I half wonder if, in somewhere in his head he was wanting to show Dean just how powerful he is and how weak Dean is?

Oh, totally OT, but since you did mention it--have you seen the new "Star Trek?" The reason I asked is that I read that there are a couple of "intimate" scenes, and I was wondering how they are? I think my 9-yr old would like it, but I'm concerned about what is shown, would it be too much for someone his age?

I always love reading your opinions!!!

mick
xwacky
May. 10th, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)
Miiiiiick! {{HUG}}

Yeah, Jensen is awesome. And I agree with you that Sam wanted to prove to Dean in action he was more powerful. It occurred to me this is the first time he had physically bettered Dean, is it not? The look on his face when he was choking Dean was scary. He looked feral for an instant which leads me to think he wasn't himself.

And no, I have not seen Star Trek yet. Although I heard it is pretty good. I tried to stay away from the details so I won't get spoiled. I'm gonna take my 9-yr old to see it too. Actually, I'm thinking I'd do that tomorrow. If I watch it before you do, I'll let you know... ;)
moira4eku
May. 10th, 2009 12:53 am (UTC)
Thursdays episode was very hard to watch. I'm a Deangirl too, and it just broke my heart to see Sammy actually try to strangle him. He actually had hate in his eyes for Dean. It was just painful. Your review of the episode was excellent.
xwacky
May. 10th, 2009 01:35 am (UTC)
Moira! {{HUG}}

Thanks for commenting. ♥

Yeah, I just outright refuse to believe Sammy would try to strangle Dean! Remember how worried he was at the hospital when Dean almost died from strangulation in the hands of Alistair?! My mind almost "exploded" when I saw he put his own hands around his brother's neck. :'(

Damnit boys, don't fight!
jackfan2
May. 10th, 2009 02:26 am (UTC)
That tore things for me, when Sam tried to strangle Dean. I was all for feeling sorry for him, when he was begging Dean to trust him. To let him lead. Dean said no. My heart broke. But then, when confronted by a junkie strung out, and begging for trust, do you give him/her that trust. NO! So I accepted it as tough love.

Still, it broke my heart.

I don't think Dean so much called Sam a monster. Gotta listen to the context of what Sam said before that. It's what you do, what he's DOING that is defining him as a monster, not what he is.

I had conversations with my friends about Sam's attempt to strangle Dean. I too believed that Sam had briefly lost control and wanted to kill Dean.

One of my Sam-girl friends said that it was Sam's way of showing Dean how weak Dean was, proving his point, proving another point too that he could pull back when he needed to.

I argue no. Kripke and the writers are never that subtle, IF that were what was intended, Sam would've leaned down and whispered something to the effect, 'See Dean, I am stronger. You are weaker. I could have killed you but I didn't 'coz I chose not to.' or something like that.

Anyway. No excuse for what Sam did. Not in my book. You can't sit there hoping to repair the relationship one moment then try and kill your brother the next. That's the mind of a man seriously twisted and out of control

Edited at 2009-05-10 02:28 am (UTC)
xwacky
May. 10th, 2009 03:52 am (UTC)
I totally agree with what you said about tough love. Sam clearly is a junkie right now, and Dean knows it. There's no way Dean is going to trust him at this point, especially after being lied to in the face so many times already.

I think the context of Dean saying "monster" goes like this: Sam asks Dean to trust him. Dean says no. Sam claims he knows what he's doing. Dean says that's even worse, coz it's not what he's doing, it's what he is. It means he's a... *pause* Sam knows what the unsaid word is, and wants Dean to say it. I think it hurts Sam the most to have Dean think him a monster. So when Dean said it, Sam flipped out. The thing is I don't believe Dean really thinks Sam as a monster. Dean doesn't believe Sam knows what he's doing. But he was pushed by Sam to say the word out loud. In his mind, the word is a warning to Sam that's what he would become if he doesn't stop.

The only mistake I think Dean possibly made during this confrontation is delivering the ultimatum to Sam. He knew what Sam was like, he knew Sam doesn't respond well under this kind of threat. But in Dean's defense, I totally understand why he said it. He was at his wits end at that moment, and hurt by Sam's attack on his person. The thing is I'm a believer of never say things one's not prepared to carry out. I have no doubt Dean will welcome Sam with open arms if he so choose to come back, just like John did. Even though I fervently wish to see that to happen, I'm afraid that would not teach Sam not to ditch his family just because it suits him.

I also agree with your take on Sam was not in control when he choked Dean. The look on Sam's face was something terrible. His features were all twisted. He was a different person altogether.

Thanks for commenting. It's much appreciated!
(Deleted comment)
xwacky
May. 11th, 2009 06:11 am (UTC)
Sweetie, sorry about the late reply. I've been enjoying mother's day and star trek too much. :p

Thanks for you kind words. ♥

Woo, I gotta read on Lilith and Samael myth/lore. Is Samael another name for Satan? How does Azazel figure into this? I thought it'd be pretty cool with everyone talking about Lilith has to break the last seal, no one specifically said anything about how she'd do the deed. It'd be such a kicker if all she had to do is to lay down and die. Besides she did say she would not survive the Apocalypse. So, if such is the case, Dean is absolutely right about Ruby manipulating Sam ten ways to Sunday!

I don't understand why demons would be as screwed as the humans if good old Lucifer rises though. I thought if he's free, the whole world becomes Hell, thus eventually everyone turns into demons.

The more I think about what Castiel did, the more I think his boss Zachariah ordered it, and Zach is as bad as Uriel if not more so. I don't quite know what their plan is for Dean, but it can't be anything good I think.

And your theory about Dean ends up being the one to kill Lilith is pretty spectacular. I always thought the wording of "the one who started it is the one who will finish it" was kinda strange. Not "stop it" but "finish it"! Hmmm, something to ponder till next Thursday.

I like your tiny-tiny hope. Can I clench it too?
tracys_dream
May. 10th, 2009 11:09 am (UTC)
I don't know how I'm survive waiting for season 5 either! I'm having a hard time just surviving until the next episode. Lol.
All that I know is that I'm trusting the angels less and less as this progresses.
xwacky
May. 11th, 2009 06:21 am (UTC)
Kripke is evil! No question about it. I'm convinced he likes to see us suffer. Just look at what he has done in the past as cliffhangers. But I gotta say throwing brothers apart is the worst! :'(

I don't trust these angels at all at this point. I'm afraid they have something very bad in store for poor Dean. Tessa was right about Dean should only trust his gut instinct!

Thanks for commenting.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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